Kulongoski roots against his alma mater

Kulongoski_sunbowlHere's the problem. You're the governor of Oregon. But you're a proud alumnus of the University of Missouri (twice, undergrad and law school.)

And somehow, out of all the 117 teams in Division I-A football, the faceless "powers that be" that control college football in America decided it'd be a funny thing to match the University of Missouri Tigers and the Oregon State Beavers in the Sun Bowl.

It's almost like they went out of their way to screw with you. What do you do? Do you side with your home state and alma mater? Or, do you side with your home of four decades and the people who just re-elected you as their leader?

For Governor Ted Kulongoski, the choice is obvious - even if a bit difficult. From the O's blog:

The governor, a University of Missouri graduate, has made a friendly wager with Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt that the Beavs will chew the stripes off the Tigers in the Dec. 29 match-up in El Paso, Texas.

If Missouri wins, Kulongoski will fork over three wheels of internationally famous Rogue Creamery bleu cheese, a selection of Oregon craft microbrews from the Oregon Brewer's Guild and a sampling of fresh Oregon seafood.

Blunt, in turn, has put on the line a selection of Missouri branded beef, award-winning Missouri wines and an AgriMissouri basket containing Show Me BBQ, Fitz's Root Beer, blueberry amaretto syrup from Persimmon Hill Gourmet Foods and apple butter from Bekemeier's Fruit Butters.

"I may feel a twinge of regret when my alma mater goes down," Kulongoski said.


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    Ted got hosed. We broke down the gift baskets at LO, and found Matt Blunt's offering to be pretty sucktastic. (Award-winning Missouri wine? WTF?) He should have agreed that if the Beavs win we get their basket, and if we lose we get two of them.

    Maybe if the Ducks win we'll get a supply of Mormon underwear, Orrin Hatch's toe clippings, and a Karl Malone bobblehead?

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    What? No samples for the Missouri Governor from the Southern Oregon Amy's Organic Kitchen facility?

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    Damn TJ.

    What does Missouri get if the Beavers lose? Some of the best beer in the nation, from the state that has more breweries per capita than any other in the US. Kick-ass cheese. And succulent dungeness crab, since we're in season. How is that fair? If these were two prize packages in the Price is Right showcase showdown, I wouldn't even deign to bid on Missouri's offering. If the men's 10,000-meter winner at Prefontaine got Oregon's package and the women's winner got Missouri's, she'd sue. If we sent Missouri's basket to Guantanamo, they'd hunger strike. If a death row prisoner asked for Missouri's gifts as a last meal, they'd retroactively find him not guilty via insanity. Rachel Ray's "Cooking with Missouri's Delicacies" show would get her cancelled--not only on the Food Network, but they'd kill her talk show, too.

    The Show Me state gets a Smackdown.

  • Ross Day (unverified)

    What do y'all mean "if" Oregon State wins? Don't you mean WHEN Oregon State wins?

  • ben (unverified)

    Like Ted, I have a reason to cheer for both teams. I attended MU, but I've spent half my life in Portland and thereabouts.

    The Missouri wine everybody's sniggering at actually is not-half-bad, but Oregon's is better (as the Loaded Orygun folks not-so-subtly pointed out).

    I... just hope there's a lot of Fitz's in that care package.,

    The night of the announcement I decided that I was going to watch the game for the quality of play and nothing more.

    But common sense demands that... I give the line as OSU, 24-21.

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    so that wasn't subtle, huh? :)

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    Don't settle for Kari's excerpt, follow the link to TJ's whole riff on LO. Great stuff, TJ.

  • Rep. Chip Shields (unverified)

    Just shows how lame Blunt is. Could have at least included a couple of Uncle Tupelo, Geyer St. Sheiks, Bottlerockets, Chuck Berry, Scott Joplin, Henry Townsend, Stacy Johnson, Albert King, Miles Davis and perhaps even a Jake's Leg cd.

  • JB Eads (unverified)

    Add music literacy to the reasons Chip makes HD 44 proud.

    TJ-- amusing piece, although I have to say that your praise of Missouri BBQ is a little generous. St. Louis' finest is more like the Michael Bolton to Memphis' Otis Redding, IMO. Only S. Carolina can even come close to Mid-South cue.

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    I don't know about St. Louis, but KC does have good BBQ. Memphis and Texas are probably the true meccas, although the best pulled pork sandwiches on the face of the planet are just outside Williamsburg VA at Pierce's Pitt. When they hired a guy to paint the original sign, he misspelled "pit" (not a rousing endorsement for Wmsbg/James City schools, I know), but they decided to keep it.

    Bring some home to the Missus!

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    Oh, shoulda said--megadittos on Chip's music appreciation canon! JB, Otis got famous in Memphis, but he was a Macon, GA boy through and through ("straight up country," as Carla Thomas called him).

    And speaking of all things Missouri, JBEads--James Buchanan Eads, St. Louis inventor? Creator of the first ironclad, salvage diving bell and the steel truss bridge? What's the connection?

  • Kelly Day (unverified)
    <h2>funny thing is that the University of Missouri law school wasn't even accredited when Ted graduated. we wouldn't tolerate that stuff these days. :)</h2>
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