Are we losing the "Hottie" from the Hill? Holy Flannel Shirts!

Paulie Brading

[Editor's note: Today, we're pleased to tell you that Paulie Brading has joined our cast of contributors. Paulie is a retired school administrator and teacher, and is currently the chair of the Jackson County Democratic Party. Of course, she speaks only for herself. Welcome, Paulie!]

Oh my gawd! Jeff Mapes wrote in the big "O" earlier in the week that Senator Gordon Smith is the new "go-to" guy for timber and other Northwest natural-resouce industries. The senator routinely makes the best-dressed lists and The Hill's "Hottie" list back in Washington. Smoothie Senator Gordon Smith, who backed Cheney and the farmers in the fish-kill debate has to seek a new wardrobe to match his lastest repackaging to match his recent reincarnation- he's going rural now folks. Mapes quoted Smith "as a friend of loggers, ranchers, farmers and miners." Already, "lobbyists are turning to Senator Smith because a certain senator in Idaho is ever so slowly and ungracefully leaving the Washington scene leaving Smith the lone Republican minding the natural resources store. Smith is being "courted for increasing timber harvests, blocking wilderness proposals and anti-salmon measures," Mapes wrote.

Senator Smith is quoted in the article, "I start from a rural place, Pendleton, Oregon; I'm going to stick with my neighbors." Smith, who is known for wearing hand cut and hand sewn suits starting at $2,500 a whack had a horrific wardrobe problem now that he's crowned himself a rural senator. Pondering his wardrobe options, Smith's phone rang. "Hey good buddy, I hear you've decided to become a rural senator," chuckled President George W. Bush. "You've been so loyal, ya' know, voting more than 20 times to support the Iraq War and all, I'm opening my Crawford, Texas closets to you, Gordy, help yourself," Bush snorted. Senator Smith had often wondered if he'd ever be rewarded for voting with President Bush over 90% of the time replied, "Aw shucks Mr. President, I couldn't do that, but it's dadburned kind of you to offer." President Bush said, "Oh no ya' don't Gordy. I'm sending Air Force One to pick you up and fly you to the ranch right away."

Filled with anticipation for perfect jeans faded just right , short sleeved shirts and bib overalls Senator Smith flew to Texas. He flung open the president's closet doors, looked inside and saw not one stich of clothing.

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There were no flannel shirts, straw hats or silver belt buckles, just an empty closet. He turned his head and looked into the face of Bush's Hispanic housekeeper. That's odd, thought Senator Smith because he'd read the stats and he knew just 2% of Republican's are Hispanic. "Where are President Bush's clothes, he whispered to the housekeeper. "Oh can't you see them", she replied with a wide friendly grin. Senator Smith stared into the closet and began to see clothes, ranch clothes. He quicly shucked out of his spendy suit and began to try Bush's ranch clothes on, admiring himself all the while. The Hispanic housekeeper, muttered as she left the room, "Oh hell he's a dumb as a post, just like the other one."

By Paulie Brading Sept. 06, 2007