Babies

T.A. Barnhart

As I got on the #19 bus to come home yesterday afternoon, a new mom was folding up her stroller while her mom, a new grandmother, held the baby. When I say “new,” I mean the baby could not have been more than a week or two old. The original noob. The sight of this threesome was particularly poignant to me at that moment. Only minutes earlier, I had delivered my baby to his grandmother’s care. But there were a few differences.

My baby, my younger son, is 19; and, on Friday, he had completed basic training at the Coast Guard Training Center, Cape May, NJ. I flew out Thursday so I could be there for the ceremony (and I spent most of the ceremony wondering where the hell he was; I did not realize he was playing trumpet in the band!). We then spent the weekend in Baltimore and Washington, DC, discovering an amazing pizza joint and seeing some of the nation’s iconic monuments — and, we think, that was Dick Cheney leaving the White House in the small motorcade.

In three days, Jesse reports for duty to the USCGC Midgett in Seattle. Then, in mid-January, the Midgett heads up to Alaska to patrol the dangerous winter seas, not for those nasty Russians a certain governor has been keeping her eagle eye on but for hapless fishermen trying to make a living while surviving the ocean that provides that living. This is no childish endeavor; this is man’s work (and, of course, in the Coast Guard, woman’s work). Coast Guard basic training is eight weeks of hard work and ugly monotony; he made it out with flying colors and has no personal doubts about his ability to perform as a member of Midgett’s crew.

I don’t either: I know he’ll do great. Nor do I have doubts about the abilities of my first baby, my older son who will be going to Iraq next year. I don’t like that Alex is an excellent soldier or that he has no qualms (that I know of) about doing that "duty." But he is proving himself to be a man, a grown-up, an adult who has made his own choices and is now living them out. Had I known my baby would grow up to make this choice, you know for damn sure I would have done a lot of things much differently over the years. But that’s the problem: We have no idea where our babies are going to go. They just go, and while we do our best to prepare and guide them, they are the ones who make the choices and live their lives.

Two weeks ago, a new generation of voters stepped up for the first time and they helped changed the world. Both of my sons were among them, both voting for the very first time for president. And like me, who voted for that office for the tenth time, they cast their vote for Barack Obama. (I got one thing right in their upbringing.) Most of the new voters, young adults aged 22 and younger, voting in their first presidential election, cast that same vote — and they did so in greater proportions than for many years. These new voters (and some of their elders, of various ages) are no longer babes; they have become grown-up citizens.

But no grown-up is ever fully — grown-up. Young adults may have made grown-up choices and are living lives of intense responsibility and meaning, but almost all of them still have huge amounts to learn. In time, they’ll look back and confess to being amazed at how young they were in 2008. Yes, they helped put Obama in the White House, and they completed their educations and served their country and worked their tails off and took it all seriously while having as much fun as possible — they tried to be mature and adult but, in so many ways, they still have a lot o growing-up to do.

Not that we dare tell them that. But if we, those of us who have more years, more scars and tears, more hard-earned lessons, more of the joys and pains our no-longer-babies are going to be gaining in the coming years; if we expect that their vote on November 4th means that democracy is saved and we have a new generation of political participation and enlightenment in front of us — well, no, sorry. That’s not the way it works.

Change is never anything more than a new beginning growing from the place something else has culminated. The amazing results of November 4, including the votes of so many young people, signalled, I think, the end of a period of overwhelming cynicism and despair; people really did vote for hope. The election of Barack Obama, which everyday grows more amazing in retrospect (at least to me), was, literally and symbolically, an opening of the doors of democracy. Right now, there is a party in the streets — outside the doors.

We have to get folks inside. It’s not nearly as much fun in there. It requires learning, and paying attention, and communicating with “politicians,” and all kinds of things not nearly as mind-blowing or fun-fun-fun as electing the first African-American president. But it’s what the grown-ups do, and our new voters — of whatever age — have to be shown that if they truly are no longer babies in our polity, they really do need to behave like grown-ups.

But we cannot tell them that. As any parent or teacher knows (or ought to know, harumph), what we tell kids matters about a zillion times less than what we show them. Those of us who consider ourselves political adults have to model the behavior we hope to see from our young people. We have to stay focused and involved, and, for gawdsake, we have to make the whole thing fun. Few people are going to hang around to be drearied out of politics, including this old-timer.

That little baby I saw on the bus yesterday will be voting for president in about 2028. What can we hope he or she will see in the political world by then? Will we have slid back into the old politics by failing to help our own babies grow into responsible citizens? Or will we have the kind of democracy progressives (and even many conservatves) dream of because we led the way with our own participation, excitement and energy?

Doing politics as part of everyday life has not been something most people have found enjoyable or even worthwhile. Let’s change that. Let’s discover how to make being involved and responsible doable, meaningful and a part of a well-rounded life. Otherwise our babies will grow up into a world they’ll want no part of politically, and we’ve seen how badly that goes: Too many babies never grow up at all.

  • Joanne Rigutto (unverified)
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    T.A., given the description of your two sons and what they are doing, I'd say you did a whole lot more that one thing right in raising them. Sounds like you have two very fine sons to be proud of.

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    T.A.,

    You have a particularly well-tuned ability to make me cry with your posts. I have two small boys -- 6 and 3 -- and can't imagine at this point knowing that they were going to war. Hang on tight.

    You make an excellent point about political action, too. The nitty gritty, hard work is so necessary and so unseen in the realm of over-all social change...thanks for the reminder of how incredibly important it is nonetheless.

  • Bob Tiernan (unverified)
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    T. A. Barnhart:

    Two weeks ago, a new generation of voters stepped up for the first time and they helped changed the world.

    Bob T:

    Oh please -- they did no such thing.

    My, you guys go from "Question Authority" to hero worship of a leader in record time.

    Bob Tiernan

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    Bob T:

    If you see statements like TA's as anything approaching hero worship, you're utterly missing the point. The strength of Obama is his clear desire -- and knack for -- involving the public in decisions that affect the public.

    If you see the rampant questioning from the left and the young of Obama's decisions -- from Joe Lieberman to Bob Gates to Hillary Clinton to bailout packages -- as anything approaching hero worship, you're nuts.

    I'd call it a functioning democracy -- something I've seen precious little of in the last eight years.

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    And lest I become complicit in hijacking this thread away from its main thrust: I agree, TA, it sounds like you've done an excellent job on the parenting front.

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    any parent appreciates kind & supportive words; thanks for them. it did not help that we divorced when the boys were young (3 & 6) or that we made choices that ended up sucking badly; this shit happens. my parents did worse, and i'm (mostly) ok -- and i think my sons are at least 20 years ahead of me in the recovering-from-divorce part of their lives. they're going to have great lives.

    and the great thing is: i still have the opportunity to model for them as a parent. i may have made a few wee mistakes in the past as a dad, but i'm getting further opportunities to help them as they grow up. that's pretty amazing. and gratifying.

  • fran (unverified)
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    That's great that your son will be on a cutter out of Seattle. My son's been in the USCG 15 months now and will be graduating from Operations Specialist School in Petaluma in December. He will be on the cutter Chase (another 378 footer) out of San Diego. We were hoping he'd end up closer, but, his first year was spent in Gray's Harbor, so, we count ourselves among the lucky to have experienced his first year w/him so nearby.

    Welcome to the Coast Guard family! Be sure to check out the small CG museum there in Seattle.

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    fran, thanks for that info. i didn't know there was a CG museum up there; i'm sure Jesse didn't either (but will soon: he's totally a CG trivia geek). his original goal was air rescue, but now that he's been around real CG people, he's leaning towards being a boatswains mate; we'll see what he's thinking after a few 2-months tours in the Pacific.

  • Bob Tiernan (unverified)
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    Pete Forsyth:

    If you see statements like TA's as anything approaching hero worship, you're utterly missing the point. The strength of Obama is his clear desire -- and knack for -- involving the public in decisions that affect the public.

    Bob T:

    I said nothing about that (whether or not that's an accurate description of Obama) -- again, a new generation of voters did not step up and "help change the world".

    Bob Tiernan

  • youngervoice (unverified)
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    Interesting note to close on. You say "Too many babies never grow up at all." You're absolutely right. Just today in Oregon over 30 of them were killed through legal abortion and deprived the chance to grow up. Tomorrow, another 30 will lose their lives.

    I'm one of the young voters who stepped up to try and change this nation for the better this election cycle. This was my first Presidential election(though not my first cycle working on campaigns), and I was proud to do my part for my country. While we voted for different candidates (I was for McCain all the way), we both want the best for our country and our fellow citizens.

    While we come from opposite views in the political spectrum, neither of us like war, or the toll it takes on families. I pray for the best for your family, and especially for the safety of your babies.

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    ha. nice try, yv. you'll note i said "babies" not fetuses. you'll not twist my words into an anti-choice message. if you are a woman, feel free to bring your pregnancies to term; i 'll join you in making it safe, healthy and affordable for you to do so (and to raise those children). at the same time, i will never abandon a woman's fundamental human and constitutional right to choose how to handle her reproductive options. as a man, that's my only option, as i see it.

    if your goal is to end legal access to abortion: not gonna happen. not under this president. if your goal is to make abortion rare (and rarer) because women have more access to contraception, health care, intelligent sex education, good jobs, education -- you know, all those things that help prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place -- then welcome to the pro-choice movement.

  • Auto classifieds (unverified)
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    I think the first voters should be awarded with some kind of a medal for the memory like in high schools after graduation. They must see they became important for the country's present and the future!

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    Bob T,

    Keep your head in the sand all you like (though I don't know how you expect to influence any elections like that). Lots of young people voted in 2008; things are changing. It's as simple as that. Some of us see both of those as good things; I guess you might differ on the value judgment, but I think the facts are pretty straightforward.

  • youngervoice (unverified)
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    Babies, fetuses-- we're above such semantics, aren't we? When was the last time you heard someone ask, "Oh, when is your fetus due?"

    For the record, I am a woman, and as a woman I know well that abortion is not a woman's rights issue but a human rights issue. I didn't come here to get into a discussion about this important issue, but I certainly will not back away from it if you want to.

    I shudder to think of what Obama's "reproductive rights" agenda is. The so-called "Freedom of Choice Act" that he has promised to sign would do away with the most basic of laws in regards to abortion. One such law requires that a freestanding abortion clinic adhere to the same regulations as any other freestanding surgical clinic, i.e., the doors be large enough for a gurney to get though, etc. It's not clear to me why such laws receive such nasty attacks from those who supposedly support "choice" and care so much for a woman's health.

    I'm well aware that abortion will be legal under this President, which is one of the major reasons that I could not lend him my support.

  • Bob Tiernan (unverified)
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    Pete F:

    Bob T,

    Keep your head in the sand all you like....Lots of young people voted in 2008

    Bob T:

    Sure, but they didn't change the world !!! Only people with their heads in the sand believe that.

    Bob Tiernan

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  • Heads Up ! (unverified)
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    Some members of Congress,a national group and Illinois attorney general have demanded a national recall on BABY FORMULA. Two months ago federal food regulators said they were unable to set a safety threshold for the industrial chemical melamine in baby formula.From reports read the FDA secretly started inspecting US baby formula when the alarm clock started ringing in China over the same concern and an estimated 50,000 babies sick from melamine.There now seems to be a debate about what levels of contamination is acceptable and healthy.90% of US manufactures have tested positive for melamine. This is upsetting and not acceptable ! Reading conflicting media reports over this concern and it's appreciated they don't want to cause panic but what's going on and how will this issue be fixed. Moms don't want melamine in their baby formula or any levels of contamination.Tying to understand all sides for solutions but think the manufactures need to see alternative packaging and shipping with support to resolve ASAP and fix the issue. We have that talent and innovation in the US to eliminate melamine in baby formula. Why argue levels acceptable for contamination and the FDA came out per media reports and said no levels of melamine are safe.

  • Suchmaschinenoptimierung (unverified)
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    It makes me really sad thinking about the 30 babies that are killed every day only in oregon... Don't want to imagine, how much babies are killed worldwide each day... :-( Poor world!

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