WW gets its rant on.

Once a year, Willamette Week rolls out it's Kvetch-Fest issue. There's a lot of hilarious bitching and ranting over there, and it's all worth reading - but here's the few that are political:

Blumenauer’s bow tie: When Obama (or, as we’re calling him, JFK X) held his most recent rally, he was received like a sainted rock star from outer space. We threw our panties while sobbing with joy. Face it—the guy farts hope. And yet one of Oregon’s own congressmen—and head of the Oregon for Obama campaign—Rep. Earl Blumenauer may have singlehandedly killed Obama’s White House chances by wearing a bow tie. If you don’t see the political pitfall, you’re not thinking like a Fox News pundit. Put on your O’Reilly pants (the racist ones with adult-bookstore receipts in the pockets) and pay attention. Jeremiah Wright is Obama’s former pastor. He said rich white people run America and war is bad, which, though true, are also apparently racist and anti-American statements. Obama managed to deflect the taint of Rev. Wright with a truly heroic speech on America’s race relations. But Wright’s wrongs don’t end at the sound bites. Last year, the preacherman gave his church’s Trumpeter award to Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, a man whose credentials as a militant racist far outpace Wright’s own. Get ready now, we’re coming full circle: Farrakhan’s favored neckwear is, say it with me, the bow tie. A little creative editing, a dash of Hannity, a couple painkiller-infused Limbaugh follicles, stir well, and SHABAZZ! Obama is a terrorist. Do it for Barack: Change the neckwear, Earl. ...

Using public schools as liberal credentials: This is a nod to all those rich white Dems on the inner east side who lord the diversity of their kids’ school over their westside cronies, as if those black and/or poor classmates existed solely to assuage white guilt. Slapping an Obama sticker on the Lexus hybrid does not bridge the racial divide, especially if your main interest in “diverse” public schools is how enlightened it makes you look. ...

Washed-up pols growing beards: Bill Richardson is the latest example of this disturbing trend. The New Mexico governor, foiled presidential candidate and Clinton deserter sported a jail pussy when he endorsed Barack Obama for president at Obama’s Portland rally last month. But Richardson isn’t the first pol to adopt what we’re calling “the guidance counselor.” That honor goes to Al Gore (right under the “invented the Internet” line, we’re sure, on his résumé). Sloppy in the wake of his Nobel Prize, Gore’s been growing out his Tipper-tickler as if his Gillette Mach 3 runs on fossil fuels. And it’s not just aging Clinton flunkies hiding their extra chins. Portland’s own Tom “Am I Still Mayor?” Potter is getting scruffier by the day. In this era of carefully crafted public images and focus-grouped power ties, every detail of a politician’s appearance is tailored to send a message to voters. So, what do these beards tell us? Richardson’s says, “Do you think Hillary will still recognize me? Christ, I’m terrified of her.” Gore’s says, “Remember how I saved the world? Say something. I dare you.” And Potter’s says, “All I’m visioning these days is a 12-pack of Michelob and my Boy Meets World DVDs.” ...

“I write for a blog” pick-up lines: So wrong for so many reasons. Wrong because it was actually overheard—clearly being used as an icebreaker—from a ginger-bearded hobo impersonator near Northeast Alberta Street. Wrong because no one should even think that taking a break from torrenting porn in order to rant obsessively on the Internet will impress girls. Wrong because “blogger” is the least-sexy title ever invented. And wrong because “writing for a blog” is not impressive; all it takes is a MySpace page and the wish to give unsolicited opinions to strangers. Whatever happened to “Come here often?” Or, “Nice tits. I got a van outside”? ...

Cheater pints: Ever notice how your beer seems to run out too fast? That’s not just your alcoholism talking—bars all over Portland are shorting patrons who order “pints.” Instead of pouring the standard 16 ounces, pound-foolish pubs such as Lucky’s and hipster darling the Sandy Hut serve scaled-down glasses with thicker walls that hold just 14 ounces. To all but the veteran drunk, these cheater pints can be hard to spot without a regulation glass for comparison. So if you’re suspicious, order a tallboy and ask for a glass. If you fill your “pint” without completely draining the can, you’re in a den of cheap assholes. To understand just how cheap, let’s do the math: Even the most expensive microbrew kegs cost only about $120 wholesale, while a keg of PBR runs more like $65. A keg holds 124 pints, which means even top-shelf beer costs bars less than a dollar a pint, or about 6 cents an ounce. That drops to 3 cents an ounce for the cheap stuff. It’s not that cheater pint-serving bars think your goodwill isn’t worth a dime, they just don’t think it’s worth 12 cents.

That last one may not seem political, but it's related to a public policy question raised here at BlueOregon.

Read the rest. Discuss.