I'm in the Pearl...tapping away on the keys during the debate.....
Obama! Looks intense while he’s answering the questions….looking right into the camera and laying the smack down on McBush. What they’re doing ain’t working..I’m running for President because they suck.
McCain—ugly ass tie…looks like a demented peppermint stick. Gratuitious slop about Ted Kennedy.People are are going to lose “their credits”? WTF..? That comb over is going gangbuster. This is the beginning of the crisis…?
Lehrer..could you guys sack up and just answer the question?
O: We deregulated too much. Its not a big enough question. Regulation isn’t always bad.
McCain is now babbling about Normandy. I guess this is an accountability story. Greed isn’t good. Blah. I’m the accountable dude. I promise. Really. Mean it.
McCain isn’t the accountability guy unless he thinks there’s a crisis for his power peeps. That’s some BS..and we should have oversight all the time.
Lehrer wants them to talk to each other. Its like couples therapy!
M: Amurika is still the greatest! I believe we’re still the mostess and awesomest. Obama thinks we suck.
McCain: I’m going to veto all the earmarks (presumably that will include his Veep’s state of Alaska…which is flush with earmarks)
Obama: Backing off earmarks is great. But McCain is shoveling a whole pile of tax cuts to the greedy rich dudes that he just told us he’s going to hold accountable. Plus we’re already up to our armpits on Bushonomics.
Mc: Obama is an earmarks suspending poseur. I'm the sheriff of appropriations, not Miss Congeniality. But I'm hell in heels.
Obama: Earmark reform matters. But dude, you’re shoveling the crap fast and thick. Your policies are great for an 80s Charlie Sheen movie.
McCain: But…but…I was against earmarks before you, rubber and glue.
TAX CUTS! TAX CUTS!
Obama: straight to camera: 95% of Americans will get a tax cut under my plan.
John McCain, 5 time cancer survivor, 72 years old. Sarah Palin…child with down-syndrome. When was the last time these two had to buy health care on the open market?
Obama: You’re asking us to bend over for the oil companies (McCain’s guffaw is weird and its FREAKING ME OUT)
And by the way…I’ve got your ALTERNATIVE ENERGY right here. And btw..when was the last time you tried to buy health care..?
McCain (in his best Darth Vader voice) OBAMA IS A LIBERAL!! LIBERAL!! LIBERAL!!!
Lehrer: Are you guys going to actually answer this financial bailout question?
Obama--we need CHANGE. And btw...I'm a liberal cuz I think Bush's policies suck.
Lehrer: Every time I talk, the CNN line graph takes a tank.
Obama-Get out of Iraq if you're worried about the budget.
McCain: We give money to the boogeymen I need to buffet my fear tactics. Therefore we have to drill offshore. And while I'm at it: HILLARY!!
McCain: When I talk about the socialist health care system and spending cuts..the red GOP line on the CNN graph goes way up..but everyone else HATES it. Why oh why??? I don't understand!
Obama: Listen here Mr. 90% with Bush.....you got us into this mess. Getting us out doesn't seem to be your thing.
McCain...second gratuitous Congeniality line. I'm a MAVERICK, dammit.
Lehrer: Iraq vs Vietnam...lessons?
McCain: More troops. More cash. More! MORE! Victory! Honor! Wait...there goes that line graph again. Crap.
Obama: I was right about Iraq. McBush was wrong. They're a bunch of squandering assholes. This boogeyman crap is ridiculous.
McCain: I'm the decider.
Obama: My veep is better than your veep.
Obama: And btw...could you BE any more wrong about Iraq? Dude, seriously..you totally sucked at that.
6:54 (brief station break for martini sipping)
McCain....babble, babble..babble...TAHLEEBAHN....troops....(surge? really?)
Obama: We should get the bad guys. I hate Osama more than you hate Osama...so are you gonna sing THAT.
McCain's getting pissed. Lookit that brow! McCain is scowling.
Obama: You're a Mushareff coddler. So there!
McCain: My line graph really sucks. It sinks like a stone when I flap my gums.
McCain: I had a town meeting a year ago where I got a cool bracelet from a vets mom. (PROOF--where is it?) Jeez this is boring. No defeat.
Obama: I've got a mother who talked with me, too. And man, my mother can kick your mother's butt.
Obama: stop muddling, you freak. I'm not going to muddle when I'm President.
McCain: I'm a traveler. I know this foreign stuff better and...NO DEFEAT I say, NO DEFEEEEET!
Lehrer: What about Iran?
McCain...bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb...IRAN.
McCain: Oh..I mentioned the French. There goes my CNN line graph into the crapper again.
(Me: Okay..I've only had one martini. This babble by McCain is either senseless or I need to drink more. Or both.)
McCain: Obama is actually going to talk to the guys who want to bomb us. I can't say their names because I've been toking, but seriously--we want to do the KISSINGER plan? I'm a big fat liar about Reagan..but I invoke his name even though Reagan wouldn't be caught dead in this ugly-ass tie.
Obama: Kissinger is one of your advisors, man. He thinks your plan sucks. So quit acting like a stooge with trite talking points. Its boring. Its stupid and there aren't enough fallout shelters anymore to cover up for your stupid mistakes.
Obama: What's your beef with Spain, man? They're our buddies. Are you really that stupid?
7:14: PRECONDITIONS!! PRECONDITIONS...! Uh...are we talking about health care?
Obama: Senator McCain is lying again (natch).
McCain's bizarre smile is creepy as hell. Filibuster...
So what about Russia..can you guys see it from your house, too?
We've pretty much blown on Russia, too.
McCain: (in his head)
Obama's kicking my ass here. I'm totally owned.
McCain (out loud): KGB. Cold war. Putin's eyes have abc's in them. Or KGB's. Whatever.
McCain: I know all the countries on the RISK gameboard. Listen whilst I name them!
Obama: I told you guys that Russia was getting its freak on. You guys ignored me. You always wait until the shit hits the fan.
Obama: Alternative energy is da bomb. McCain needs to get on the train.
Lehrer: Next question
McCain: NO! Let me lie about Obama! Bridges....build them....to..nowhere? somewhere? Is this thing on?
Obama: Let me set the record straight.
McCain: I'm going to talk over you so you can't. Neener!
Lehrer: 9/11 ATTACK!!!!!!!
McCain: Naw...I'm an aisle-crosser. It can't happen. HOLY JOE!!
Obama: Missile defense is good...but we've got bigger fish to fry. Like the whacknutters who've got crap in a suitcase that they want to use to blow up stuff. Not so much on the missile defense with that one. And btw....could you stop agreeing with torturing people while we're at it, John? Cuz its basically kicking our asses.
McCain: DEFEAT. FAILURE. OBAMA is a GIRLY MAN.
Obama: Iraq is a resource suck. And you guys stuck us with it. And while we're at it, where the HELL is BinLaden, anyway? I'm asking. The vets are asking when they're not looking for the vets benefits you guys won't fund. So what's up with that, anyway?
My PRECIOUS...oh...my PREEEECCCIIIOUUUUS.....the presidency is sooo beautiful...so shiny. So...PRECIOUS....
POW! POW! POW! I was a POW! PRISON I say...POW!
(Oh crap, there goes that line graph into the sinkhole again)
Lehrer..that's it!! Veep debate is next...(Lehrer in his head...will Sarah Palin write the answers on her forearms? Stay tuned...)
By Carla Axtman
Sept. 26, 2008
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