For those who didn’t catch it, Jonathan Nicholas, columnist for the Oregonian, published this article
in yesterdays Oregonian.
The following is an open letter to Mr. Nicholas.
In your column, you said, “Which brings us to Randy Leonard. Sorta short. Sorta stocky. Sorta, well, pugnacious. More than a little, well, hairy.”
More than a little hairy? I will have you know, Sir, that I patronize the finest back waxers ever employed in this fertile Willamette Valley.
Sorta pugnacious? All I can say is, clearly, you have never spent any quality time with Vera Katz.
Sorta stocky? Ok, I guess I gotta give you that one.
And now for the offense which most directly motivates this missive to you.
I have known short people. Short people have been my friends. Sir, I am no short person.
I have been measured on this very day at 6 feet and ¾ of one inch.
Over the years, I have often been pained by the media’s attempts to explain the origin of my, well….for lack of a better word, “attitude”.
My own Mother used to explain that I inherited the “moxy” of my forbearers.
Others attribute my “attitude” to the neighborhood I grew up in… inner NE Portland, before gentrification!
Until now, Sir, no one has ever called my height into question.
Because of your reckless charge, I may now be falsely accused of having the cursed “short man syndrome” to explain my various approaches to government reform.
I will confess to you that a part of me has always taken a somewhat strange pride in the various public insights into what causes a man like me to take such a “pugnacious” approach to revitalizing government bureaucracy. However, your charge has crossed the line of propriety, even by my standards.
Therefore, I ask you to renounce your accusation that I am vertically challenged. Any number of factors may contribute to the genesis of my “attitude”, however, altitude is not one of them.