I had a visit today at the office from none other than the gallant Troy Nichols and his posh partner, Crystal, who were both, in a previous post, tactlessly referred to by me as a "perennial playa with [a] porn star name" and a "saucy tart with vacant eyes but a nice butt," respectively.
The purpose of the visit was to air their displeasure at the "vacant eyes" part of the description, and to explain that "dating is really hard in this environment," (the legislature). Crystal, it seems, has hung up the "no vacancy" sign, and she wanted me to know that she is a "very well-educated woman," and that she has been "very disappointed in the way that women treat other women in this building," (the Capitol). Troy was there as ornamentation (how's that for gender role reversal) since he hardly said a word.
Brings you right back to high school, doesn't it? My response was that I don't know either of them (which is true), that somebody told me Troy was a player (which is also true) and then I trailed off because mentioning that Crystal really does have a nice butt (again, true) struck me as unnecessary. I couldn't see her eyes so well because of the glasses. Oh, it's a joke, people!
The thing that amazes me is that not only are the R's reading and paying attention to BlueOregon, but they're also taking it seriously (even when it's clear that gravity is sublimely lacking in a particular post). The post in question was, I'm told, emailed around the caucus, to, (with indignation), "people that [Crystal] works with!"
I replied that I appreciated their concerns, that it was all tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be taken seriously, and thanked them for stopping by. Crystal is, in fact, an attractive woman, and, according to her, a "very well-educated woman," so both she and snookums should have more confidence in themselves and their relationship than to seek approval from me (or from anyone else).
But, since they asked, for all you R's reading this who work in the Capitol, please, take a moment to understand that "dating is hard," and give Troy and Crystal's relationship the support it deserves. Maybe the caucus could devote some time in meetings for checking in on their sex life. Maybe the Republicans will finally start calling women, “womyn.” Maybe Troy and Crystal could be the Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson of the Oregon Legislature.
So thank you to Troy and Crystal for the great laugh and excellent material. America loves you - do keep us updated on your relationship.