Funny, and yet not so funny

Over The Onion, America's premier satire rag, they've got important breaking news. It's supposed to be fake news, but somehow it's rings very, very true.

Bush Launches Preemptive Attack On Social Security

ST. LOUIS, MO—At an appearance at the St. Louis Convention Center Sunday evening, President Bush declared the "grave and pressing need" for a preemptive attack on the Social Security program.

"My fellow citizens, at this hour, brave administration and congressional forces are in the early stages of an all-out attack on Social Security, with the ultimate goal of bringing down the oppressive legacy of the New Deal, and big government itself," Bush said. "Through bold and decisive action, we will liberate our grandparents and our grandchildren from the threats of the system established by Franklin D. Roosevelt to provide retirement compensation for America's workers." ...

"Americans young and old will be making great sacrifices for this cause," Bush said. "But there will be innumerable gains for other segments of the population, from Wall Street to Pennsylvania Avenue..."

Enjoy.

  • ron ledbury (unverified)
    (Show?)

    We must also end all private savings accounts where the lower class folks could their own investing decisions in stuff that is not controlled by Wall Street and the Federal Reserve, otherwise the banking system and the stock market prices will collapse. To kill local investment, and local control over those investments, we have designed an incentive program modeled after the 10 percent penalty on any exchange of state issued currency by offering here a tax holiday on all investments in Wall Street up to 135,000 dollars per year for key employees.

    The Cold War on diverse small time local investors and a non-interventionist Federal Reserve has finally grown hot.

    The truth is stranger than fiction.

in the news 2005

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