City Commissioner Erik Sten today announced his intentions to rename the City of Portland to reflect its increasingly left-wing personality. The new name? The People's Republic of Portland
"I considered 'Little Beirut,' but it's kind of obscure. I didn't want people to think that we were criticizing our Lebanese brothers and sisters." Given that the vibrant cultural heart of the city - zip code 97214 - is already known in political circles as "The Kremlin" it just makes sense to rename the entire city.
After years of debate about where the iconic Portlandia ought to be moved, Mayor Tom Potter proposed a solution. "Leave the statue where she is. Move the Portland Building. That 1980's era monstrosity can go. It's time for some proper architecture that really reflects our community's style."
Sten acknowledged that some residents might consider this an overly radical act. But, Sten pointed out, those people can move to Gresham. Or maybe Hillsboro. Or go north to Van-tucky.