A visit from the Ghost of Supreme Courts Past. I'd like to see a gaunt and translucent William J. Brennan, still in black robes, rise up and take both John Roberts and Sam Alito on a tour of the evolution from presumably conservative to constitutionally brilliant. And smack them on the noggin with a positively corporeal gavel if they don't get it. This Justice ain't blind.
A way to track congressional votes by astrological sign (yay, this one came early!). Are Virgos' logic and reason more or less hawkish than Pisces' emotion and intuition? Are Taurus' (Tauri?) as stubborn on the floor as they are in the bedroom? Does the Libra-Aries love-hate relationship translate into more or less political compromise? Finally, we have the technology to find out!
Bribes. I will happily auction my vast political influence to the highest bidder in exchange for home furnishings. My tastes run a bit more modern and eclectic than Sir Duke Cunningham's, but I'll take antiques if that's all you've got. If you really want to swing an election, kick me a Hummer H3 (the H2 is such a pain to parallel park).
A rope. Long enough to let the Republicans hang themselves. Good government without Delay. Schadenfreude, baby!
Christians to stop whining about the persecution of Christmas. Yes, it is a Christmas tree (and yes, it used to be a pagan Saturnalia tree, but we'll leave that aside for now). Why is it so horrible for private business and public government to use the word "holiday" for the sake of being all-inclusive? Christians are not an oppressed minority. No violent mob is ransacking Christian houses and burning down their so-called Christmas tree in protest. Quite the contrary – seems some fat man in velvet hands out presents. Why can't you actually be the bigger person for once (WWJD) and accept that it's Christmas in your house but it doesn't have to be called Christmas everywhere just to validate your beliefs. No true Christian will forget that it's Christmas just because the Fred Meyer circular says "Happy Holidays" instead. And god bless the rest of the religions for putting up with this nonsense every year.