If there's anything I hate more than bicyclists wit' attitude or not having a sales tax, it's not being able to pump my own gas. The mighty O was exultant this morning that Oregonians treasured "mini-serve" actually doesn't cost more! To which I reply, with sneer and humbug and the airs of one who isn't frightened of other states, so what.
Oregon and New Jersey are the only states where we are not permitted to pump our own gas. The O calls this "quirky." It's not quirky. Quirky is that cute girl at the MAX stop with the big headphones and striped socks. An outright ban on doing something for yourself that you are perfectly capable of doing is not "quirky," it's stubborn and retarded.
It turns a five minute detour into a fifteen minute detour, as the pump jockey meanders at the speed of molasses. It makes me feel fat and lazy as I sit on my ass so that some poor kid can wait on me. It has caused the loss of at least three gas caps. I would gladly pay extra pennies per gallon to avoid all of these annoyances.
Oh, but the true believers cry – jobs for the jobless! Like being a pump jockey is a great job that's really improving the lives of all Oregonians. It pays just enough for you to afford the meth, and sucks just enough for you to really want it.
Oh, but what about poor grandma who can't figure the complexities of the gas pump and would be stranded ever after at the Arco! I heard ('twas before my time) that this scenario was actually a commercial running the last time Oregon considered being self-sufficient at the self-serve, and people actually bought it. Don't believe the hype - the evidence from other states is in, and grandmas, too, can do it for themselves. Or they can hit up the full-serve, or just ask for help. It’s not that hard.
One thing is certain. Oregonians cling like leeches to whatever makes them different from other states (yay – we come in second to New Jersey in gas, gambling, and big bangs) so Oregon will remain rugged, active, and individualist at all things except the gas pump, and I will remain perturbed by our state's precious quirks.