The eagles prepare to lay an egg in Turner

Carla Axtman

From the department of "You just can't make this stuff up":

Oregon Catalyst:

Join us on August 4th for the most patriotic event in the northwest! The Gathering of the Eagles blends approximately 40 different organizations representing the Tea Party, conservatives, independents and freedom-loving Americans.

Flags! Jingoism! And none of those freedom-hating Americans--just the "freedom-loving" ones. And don't forget the eagles!

But wait, it gets better. There's a brochure. And who's featured on this glorious piece of patriotic propaganda? None other than former House Speaker and convicted money launderer Tom DeLay.

For a mere $45 (hurry, it's going up to $60 after this weekend), you can get yourself all pruney in the flag wrapped glory of conservative nationalism. You can even rub shoulders with that giant of conservative elitism and snobbery, John Fund.


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      If you wonder why anyone would take this seriously, just remember: You can fool some of the people some of the time, and that should be just enough to maintain your income. The punters are these creeps' meal ticket, and they're gonna give them a show.

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      Although they've got a guy who wants to make egalitarian radical and aggressive free-thinker (atheist) Thomas Paine into a Tea Party hero.

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    You get to see Tom DeLay and the American Symbol for Cluelessness, the Palin, on the same stage?

    ...nah, I'd get thrown out for laughing too hard.

    ROAR: Reviving Oregon's Amazing Roots... really? They couldn't even come up with a better anagram?'s also hosted by Ames Research Laboratories... who make paint and deck coatings. (research? Wonder how many government grants they've gotten?)

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    Pessimism, gloom, the fiscal cliff, vows to elect Romney. Elect the private-equity guy bent on enriching the very people who caused the mess and more in Turner.

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    Occasionally I feel all guilty about making fun of Turner (you know, jokes about how no state highway actually goes there, they have a road named after the town so locals can find it, that you can find potted meat in the gourmet section of the grocery, stuff like that), but this relieves some of the guilt.

    Turner! You can do better than that crowd! Just make sure your doors are locked when they come through, and inventory everything before AND after the visit, and you should be okay.

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    ZOMG ... I just noticed that active duty military get in for free. What generosity. If I was active duty military I'd go there just to seem them look all confused when I demand a refund.

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    The last listed speaker/attendee, Pastor Aaron Auer, is dressed like he thinks he actually is a founder.

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    I almost want to go for the sociological perspective...

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    they invited Todd Palin.

    also, their writing sucks. really, really sucks.

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    Finally freedom and barbecue are equal.

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